Energy

   Do you know the feeling of utter dread when something awful is about to happen, but it takes forever to come so the intensity of not knowing just keeps building and building till you feel you can't take it anymore, and then the fear of whatever might have happened is worse than the actual thing that was going to happen?
   I am not an easily frightened person. I have no worries when it comes to needles, or spiders, or blood, or even dying, really. I'm not overly afraid of ghosts (if they exist) and bad guys in creepy movies only scare me if I really let them. Most of the time though, I can hold my ground, clench my teeth, or be otherwise unaffected.

   Not lately. Lately, I've been flooded with all sorts of negative energy, that can overtake me any minute of the day, with no explanation at all. I may be under the its power for as long as the negative energy wills, or as long as I feed the energy. Which, I have not learned how to properly channel energy yet, so when the really strong positive energies come over me, I am the most cheerful, happy, and wonderfully contented person alive. And then... then when the less than merry energies come, they take me down with one blow. I feel like I am helpless. And it really stinks. (An understatement.)
   It takes no thought to be angry, crabby, grouchy, impatient, unkind, selfish. But I have to try REALLY hard when I want to be loving, considerate, understanding, patient, kind, forgiving. Naturally, my mind springs into action when something bad happens or someone does something hurtful or rude to me. But when I genuinely want to take it all in stride, and respond gently - I can't.
   I feel like my Chi is really out of balance. My love to my fellow man is out of whack. Knowledge of my shortcomings just makes me more edgy! They say you have to admit you're sick if you want to be made well, but when I think about how "sick" I am, I just get worse. So I blog. And listen to Enya. (It seems to help.)
   Strangely enough, this morning/afternoon was really a high for me. I had upbeat music going, and I really got it in my head that I wanted my home to be a place of peace and good energy, so the atmosphere and my attitudes and actions needed to reflect that. To get a good vibe, the house needs to be clean, and have good things in it. I really tidied things up and it made me feel so very much at home - more than I've been in a long time. Both a blessing and a curse, I really "feel" things, people, places. I can sense energies when I walk into places, meet people, even eat foods. For the most part it is entertaining, and intriguing.
   I feel entirely beat.. and I hate, hate, hate the feeling of being out of control. :-/ We'll see where this goes.. and how long it lasts. Anyway... I have a new form of energy heading my way. Compassionate energy. Someone needs me. I'm going now. (I love it when I can take the focus off my own miserable state and put it on someone else's. Obviously I had enough energy to make myself sick, so I'm going to redirect it to make this person feel better. THAT is one thing I do love about energy, positive and negative alike. You can redirect them.. but someplace within yourself -or without- you must have the willpower to do so.)

The Ungodly Smell of Weak Coffee..

Yargh! Bleh! Light-brown colored coffee is both disgusting in sight and in smell - I haven't bothered tasting it just yet. For one thing it's too hot, and for another, I can hear my conscience telling me "...and it's not even healthy. Why, again, are you drinking this?" Fine, I admit, the peppermint tea was awfully good yesterday. But I want coffee!

Haha. This picture is perfect.

Alright. Now I'm back to folding the clean laundry. :) Have a lovely day! (And no weak coffee!)

Home. Sweet, Sweet Home.

I don't think any word can describe how I feel about this sweet, homey little front porch. I want it, and one day, hopefully I can have one. And the love I ever felt for a building, goes to this porch. I am in love.

 I feel so much emotion, so much beauty from this little porch.

The leaf-strewn path, the faded coral steps, the corn husks, pumpkin and broom. The cheerful yellow of the house, the hanging plant, the pot. The energetic green chair. I would feel so at home here. My heart longs for this place. 

Thursday Evening Gratitude

A new soul friend gave me a wonderful idea. To me, a soul friend is a friend that your soul can connect with, even though you may have never met them before. I actually just came up with that right now. Haha.. :)

Anyway, I stumbled across her blog when I was google image searching for "dirty dishes". I was feeling really down, discouraged, and useless. Oh, for a hoard of reasons. But that's not my point. I am a dreadful housekeeper, but it's not that I don't want to be or am incapable of it. Strangely, this woman was going through the same thing, apparently three years ago, and that's where I got the picture of "a mound of dirty dishes." She too, had been struggling with procrastination and lack of self-worth. For different reasons, I am sure.. but I felt as though I connected with her. 

After reading the first blog of hers, I loved how she put words together and how she felt free to say what was on her mind. I read more and more of her blogs, and found that she had several "Day of the Week/Time of Day/Gratitude" postings -such as my head title. It really prompted me to do the same. No matter how awful you feel, or how badly you let yourself down (because that's really want it's about; YOU), there is still something worth living for, and you can still force yourself up again. So I've decided to tell you ten things I am grateful for tonight.

1. My God, who created me with the ability to recover easily, to find joy in life where no one else might find it, and for my optimistic personality.

2. My husband, who is usually patient with me.. and who I am trying so desperately hard to please. 

3. For the cozy little room where our king bed sits.. the room is so very warm, all afternoon with the sunlight streaming in through the window. It's a small enough room it captures heat really well. So warm and cozy for me and my book this afternoon <3. My spirit felt renewed.

4. For the silver lining when looking at "dirty dishes" on Google. Who knew I'd find this woman's blog who, at the time of writing it, was feeling so much like the way I do? She was (is) an enormous encouragement to me.

5. Okay, I wasn't going to say this, but I'm being open with myself. I am thankful for that flavored beer I drank earlier in the day after two pieces of whole wheat toast. I felt like I needed some pampering.. - not the spoil-yourself-rotten type, where you go spend hundreds of dollars on a manicure, massage, shopping, dinner & coffee! - but the "I need to reconnect with my spirit, I'm going to curl up with a book, and yes, I want a beer." It was magical.

6. Peppermint tea. My days of melancholy sadness would not be the same if I didn't have a comforting mug of hot tea with honey in my grasp. Seriously, a little big of comfort food or comfort drink goes a long way. Besides, I think the natural herbal goodness of peppermint really can restore the soul. (I am steeping a cup right now as we speak.)

7. Annie Wilder. I am grateful for Annie Wilder. She is an author, and I've read two of her books. She's a very open, honest, and evenly paced writer. She keeps my attention so easily, that I read nearly *all* of her most recent book (Spirits out of Time) just this morning/afternoon. This girl is a happy girl when she holds a book.

I'll have to stop at 7 today. The man of the house is home. Later, my friends! :)

For the Library

You know that dream library I was just telling you about? Well, I was looking at Pier 1 Imports online store, and I found the *perfect* throw for one of my chairs. It's warm, it's fuzzy.. but the "look" is also warm. I don't know, maybe that's just a girl thing, but I love, love, love the look of a warm, cozy home. I take particular joy (and effort) into it, seeing the house I live in. ALL trailer houses look alike. Okay, so maybe they are different colors or have different decks or the doors and windows are in different places. And on occasion the interior walls and doors may be aligned differently. But there's only so much you can do to a trailer hour outwardly to make it stand out from the rest.

I take this as an opportunity to take advantage of the inside, for it is the personality of the people occupying it and the decorations they use that turns their cookie-cutter house into HOME.


So that throw.. 

It kinda looks like a scarf, but is actually a big, luscious 50 x 60 blanket that you could just wrap yourself up in, with a good book, a hot mug of tea/cocoa/coffee, and enjoy the evening away.


Are you convinced yet?


Last Sunday, I went to LaCrosse with my man. At a second hand store, I found two books of Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, both hardcover and only $1.50 each. Night before last I curled up in bed with the first of the two, a mug of Candy Cane Lane tea with honey, fuzzy socks, and a mound of pillows. It was so cozy and wonderful. I would recreate that moment in seconds, if I were able. <3

Enjoy the simple things in life. I know I sure do.

If Only..

I am a simply dreadful housekeeper. Well, in certain rooms. Like the bedroom, the laundry room, and the storage room. Sometimes I don't do so well with the kitchen, but most of the time it's the cleanest room in the house. I think a large part of it is that I live in a trailer. There aren't extra rooms for all the things I girl really wants to have in her home. For one, I would just LOVE to have my own library. I'd have big comfy chairs, tall, long bookshelves, warm throws, soft rugs, and lamps placed around the room for utmost comfort and inspirational atmosphere. I'd also have a coffee table, and outlets for laptops. I'd have a little table in the corner to hold mugs and a tea pot. I'd probably even have a window seat, and big curtains that could either let in the sunlight on early summer mornings, or keep in the warmth on cold winter nights. Oh, and it would definitely need a fireplace.

 No, there would not be a bed in my library - but I would likely have a cozy chair or futon nestled into that corner. 

Anyway... back to house cleaning now. Maybe, just maybe, I can get it done before 5. :)